Share The Wealth

2010-03-29T07:18:00.000-07:00

Soz, I don't know where else to put this, but look at the paint colours and room sets from a Dutch paint company called AkzoNobe (I think, I don't know Dutch).

Woooooowwwwie! How did they get inside my brain like that? It reminds me of something my number 1 hunky nutter Karl Lagerfeld said,

"Mein apartment is not a house. It is a spaceship for der city vere you don't feel bound by der earth"

What a guy.

Btw if anyone is reading this it's a bloody miracle. Someone asked me how much money I make from my blog a few months ago. LOLLL!

What you gonna do when you get out of jail?

2010-01-20T07:25:00.000-08:00

This my gurrrrrl, and you need her mix.

Seriously, I'm so proud and honoured to know such talented babes.

http://www.discobelle.net/2010/01/20/manara-miracles-mixtape/

2010-01-04T10:05:00.001-08:00

Twitter babe and fellow fierce bitch Sophie Heawood just alerted me to these pictures of Jacob Zuma (South African president duhhhhh) and his new wife Tobeka Madiba's wedding.
I hereby pronounce this the look of 2010.

2010-01-04T05:58:00.000-08:00

If you've got £700 to spare you could do worse than buying this George Nelson bench on eBay

Or you could do what I plan on eventually doing and buy these Ikea drawers and make your own banging coloured cushions

Pow pow pow, how do you like me now? Badman for life.

2009-11-29T07:08:00.000-08:00

LISTEN UP, I'm having a big clear-out. Take this stuff, gratis, before I put it on Ebay. Just holler if you want photos and detailed descriptions

Dansette type portable record player. You have to replace the plug
1970s five armed chrome ceiling light
Brownie Junior camera

I think that's it, I'll probably add to the list at some point.

I don't want anything in return, unless you insist. I like Catholic icons and cheap gold jewellery.

Like Harriet Harman, you know where to find me.

2009-11-14T00:02:00.000-08:00

STORM CARNAGE!

2009-08-28T14:12:00.000-07:00

Remember this banger?

I remember singing along to it on my imaginary walkman at a bus stop in Brikky when I was about five.

There's a picture in an attic of Betty Boo looking more and more like me.

2009-08-24T10:52:00.000-07:00

Oh heeeyy, I've finished decorating, what do you think? El oh el yeah fucking right m8.
Seriously though, operation Make My Flat Look Like an Amazing Music Video c.1992 is nearing completion.

Soz, I know it's not scurrilous gossip or pictures of my shitty cocaine or wevs, but think about all I do for you and allow me this one indulgence.

Anyway, if any of you read any interiors blogs please please hit me up, I can't sleep at night for obsessing over this shit.

2009-07-20T16:35:00.000-07:00

There's a growing trend for nail fashions and I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. Either way I'd just like it to be known that I'VE BEEN ON THIS SHIT FOR YEARS. I WAS THERE FIRST. ME. You can take it like you've taken everything else from us, just recognise my sacrifice.

I was going to do Pip's Top Ten Nails but then I realised I've only got four poxy pictures. Another casualty in the struggle.

2009-05-11T03:02:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I shun marriage is because you can't do it without looking like a dick. Wtf are you going to do? Convince yourself it's an alternative wedding by wearing a red organza dress? "yeah yeah I've always lived outside the constraints of society, but when Steve proposed I knew it was the right thing to do - it was totally unconventional though, I got him to wear a red shirt with his tux". That's going to confuse the hell out of your long suffering family, and what about your poor aunts and grans who are going to politely stand and smile as your guests arrive looking like they've stepped straight off a gaming forum (which they probably have)?
Some people do manage to celebrate their love with panache though, including this beautiful couple. I especially like the bridesmaid dresses.

2009-04-30T04:01:00.000-07:00

Would you just LOOK at this pair of bad bitches? While them lot were runing round getting DJ Assault juice and making flyers, me and Becks were very bately taking FB photos. You could be mistaken for thinking I'm trying to disguise that as a "yeah we're too good for this nonsense" anecdote, but when you're very bately taking FB photos I don't think that's ever going to wash.
PS I love Becks. She's the only good thing to come out of going to shitty sink school Stockwell Park.

And in case you missed it everywhere else

I've got a great idea for my nails, which I'm going to go and execute now. My little nail is splittup like Sam and Lindsay though (second time I've made that joke in an hour) so I'm going to leave it and pretend it's a protest against coke nails. I've spent most of my life channeling Lisa Left Eye with asymetrical political fashion statements (in case you didn't notice) so why stop now?

2009-04-15T03:59:00.000-07:00

An open letter to rich kids:

Hiya. How are you? I really like those trainers you're wearing. Anyway something's been annoying me for a while now and it's time we talked about it.
Babes, seriously,you have to drop that fake ghetto accent. Any idiot can spot it a mile off. It really doesn't do you any favours, and affectations are never cool whether you're aiming up or aiming down. Come on now. I know I know, you're a grown up now and you want to carve out your identity, but don't be ashamed of your roots. Your parents worked really hard so you could have that nice accent you're hiding. No one's going to think badly of you for being well educated! Come on, you're not going to speak like that at your first job interview, are you? Poor people have got the best music and the best clothes, it's true, and of course you can borrow from us, but don't be silly now. I know what you're thinking, but stop right there - you've got as much right to listen to urban music as anyone else. Becoming a caricature of the people who made it is really insulting though. Sorry matey, but it is. But enough of that, I didn't come here to criticise, I'm just trying to help you out.
Think about what I've said.
Lots of love,
Your poor and slightly patronised relation xxxxxxxx

2009-04-03T16:55:00.000-07:00

I've been busy making this video with my girl gang.

My heroes

2009-03-10T14:58:00.001-07:00

I'm not even joking.

2009-03-02T10:14:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling a lot of hate today. Just thought you might like to know.

Happy House

2009-02-19T09:35:00.000-08:00

Not that sort.

I bought a really nice rug and it makes me sing this.

2009-02-11T12:16:00.000-08:00

E17 were fucking shit weren't they? My friend Kerry Barnes (her dad was in the Sun for trying to sell their council house and they had to move away, colon open bracket) liked them and I ripped the piss out of her literally every day for it. I was feeling a bit bad about it the other day, but actually, I was totally justified.

This is a good one though.

In other news, I just cemented my reputation as a comedy genius by asking for wine wid it in Hot Wok takeaway.

Prepare yourselves

2009-01-18T20:50:00.001-08:00

I'm planning something dazzling. One of you will benefit, all of you will be awed.

2009-01-13T19:54:00.000-08:00

That's from a clip from Bret Michaels' Rock of Love Bus. I found it because some people on the internet are whining about society and how she's a desperate ho or whatever. Wtf?! She looks like a complete fucking barrel of laughs. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't want to go to a club on her arm.

On that note, I want to show you my tan lines but we haven't known each other long enough. Yes, TAN LINES. I cleaned my balcony in a vest in January and got a tan.

2009-01-12T13:34:00.000-08:00

These, and accompanying articles, are from the Illustrated Police News, which in c. 1885 had the largest circulation of any periodical (not surprisingly, these kick Pick Me Up's arse). Their aim was to moralise and scandalise a largely illiterate society. I particularly like the Last Moments of a Gorilla.

Baby farming was a term used in the nineteenth and early twentieth century to describe the practise of taking in babies and young children for a fee. It might have been because their families couldn't afford to bring them up or because they were born out of wedlock, but the children of wealthy families were also cared for in the homes of wet nurses until they were toddlers (Jane Austen for example).
Baby farmer was an insult because of the association with illegitimacy and a few notorious cases where the babies were poorly treated, or out and out MURRRDERED.
That picture's probably referring to Margaret Walters who was hanged for murder and neglect after the bodies of eighteen babies were found in her house. She lived on Gordon Grove (now part of Loughborough Estate) - I know this because her case caused such outrage that her house was pulled down, and on the site was built a playground, and later, the after school I'm always harping on about.

2009-01-08T15:48:00.000-08:00

I saw this girl wearing the most amazing coat. It was a bright yellow sack with massive blue and black (?) circles and triangles at the bottom.
She was wearing it with faded bootcut jeans and fake converse though, wtf.
I literally can't stop thinking about it. I should have mugged her for it, I could definitely have beaten her up.

2009-01-06T14:35:00.000-08:00

Before we went out on NYE I spotted a stain on my carpet that I thought was spilled coffee, but didn't have time to address it. When I came back three or four days later, the stain had grown, which is when I realised there was water coming up through my floor. For those of you that don't know, I'm three floors up.

As an aside, when I moved in, my ex made me watch a horror film about a woman who moved into a strange flat. The woman was harassed by a haunted patch of water that ruined her life and possessed her daughter, so when I saw the water I was momentarily really, really freaked out. I got over it though.

I'll spare you all the boring details about me having to stay up until half three for an emergency repairs team who didn't show up, and share this picture with you.

Guess what this is. Or rather, where this is (the masking tape remains on the skirting four months after I painted might provide a vital clue) (it was behind a table okay)

Wow, really sorry about the vertigo inducing angles, my phone finally gave up the ghost so I'm improvising with Photo Booth.

That is FLOORBOARDS. Lovely lovely floorboards, which were hidden underneath nasty vinyl tiles. Like the current economic crisis, it'll get worse before it gets better, but I'm really excited.

I was seriously panicking about my floor sitting in all that water, so about an hour ago I went at it with a massive screwdriver (for prising), and so far so good. Months ago when I read on the internet about how to do this, they made it sound like a huge, huge, daunting task. They're chatting shit. All you need is brute force, steely determination, and the wrong tools. Maybe a slightly unhinged mind too. Srs, I know most normal people wouldn't start taking up their floors at 9 o'clock on Tuesday night, but you're all a tiny bit mental too and that's why I love you.

Further bulletins as events warrant, I'm sure xxx

P.S. My mum made a really shit joke about silver linings, damp, and "cod moving in mysterious ways", but the less said about that the better.

2009-01-03T15:03:00.000-08:00

I'm being an ungrateful brat and feeling really pissed off and unsatisfied with my flat. Nothing's how I want it and nothing's done because I'm lazy and tight.
I want to redecorate with bright BRIGHT colours - just paint everything pure brilliant white, BRIGHT yellow and BRIGHT pink. And grey.

Does anyone want to help me? By help I mean sit around reading Elle Deco, no hard labour necessary.

2008-12-20T09:49:00.001-08:00

I don’t know why I felt it necessary to share this. Absolutely no idea.

Mi amo y Miami

2008-12-18T09:46:00.000-08:00

Bienvenidos a Miami. End of January.

2008-12-10T09:46:00.000-08:00

These are my dad’s top three things in life:

Cricket

Germany

Psychedelic jazz

He discovered long ago that I’m never going to like or understand cricket and it broke his heart (I actually got into big trouble at the Oval when I was a kid but that’s another story). His heart mended a little bit when I went to Hamburg and started enthusing about it all the time, and it gave him the confidence to go for a two out of three strategy and start pushing dodgy music on me. He made me a Rubber Band and Parliament CD ages ago which I tossed on the yeah right pile and didn’t give a second thought to. I was going through that pile the other day and put it on: HOW FUCKING GOOD IS THIS SONG?!

Papa’s gonna be psyched.

2008-12-05T09:43:00.000-08:00

I just found this flickr with photos of a Coronet cinema in Elephant & Castle designed by Erno Goldfinger - as in Trellick Tower. It was demolished over one weekend in 1988, just after it was announced it was to be listed on the Monday

Can you imagine how fucking lauded this would be now, with listed status?

By the way, my mum alerted me to this, so you have her to thank.

LML

2008-12-01T09:43:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the ultimate while-my-man’s-at-work day: I’m getting my nails done then going to Westfield. I plan on wearing an ostentatious fur coat. I’m pretty excited.

Further to my first post

2008-11-28T09:42:00.000-08:00

A court in Sweden has ruled that the Madonna of Orgasm church has the right to be recognised as a faith community.

The founder, an artist called Carlos Bebeacua said “The orgasm is the ultimate feeling of lust, it shouldn’t be limited to ejaculation. You can reach it through art or by looking at a landscape and thinking ‘Wow!’”

http://www.thelocal.se/15786/20081119/

I swear I’m not obsessed with the idea of celestial copulation, it just caught my eye (lol).

2008-11-23T14:31:00.000-08:00

Dog Rape! - watch more funny videos

I know joking about rape is wrong, and more importantly a bit year eight, but me and Zia are always amused by these posters in gay clubs that shout ‘RAPE - IT’S A FACT OF LIFE’. I guess the same is true for society dogs.

2008-11-22T14:31:00.000-08:00

Sush and Saz found some amazing things on youtube last night. My favourite was this, it’s pretty much what has got me through today.

Stoli Trollied

2008-11-17T19:58:00.000-08:00

I wouldn’t recommend lavender Stolichnaya. Especially served in a test tube. Especially underground. Especially with a certain young conservative.

Or maybe I would.

2008-11-16T19:54:00.000-08:00

I’ve been reading about Roman religious festivals and all that frenzied moonlit dancing and all those Bacchanalian feasts touched me somewhere deep. I read and read and eventually found this. They’re a sex cult who publish their own comics. It’s pretty lol until you realise that it’s completely real and they’ve got a history of law suits and child abuse.

Here are their first three tenets, if you can call them that. All FIFTY can be found here - http://www.xfamily.org/index.php/You_Are_The_Love_of_God!

1. YOU’RE WONDERFUL! I’m touching you, I’m caressing God’s masterpiece and I don’t want to violate it. I just want to love it, adore it!—Not more than the Creator, but I adore His creation. It’s so gorgeous, my God, it’s so gorgeous!
2. I’M WORSHIPPING GOD, I’m worshipping God as I adore you, you know? I really am worshipping God. I’m saying, my God, how could You make anything so beautiful, how could You love me so much?
3. THIS IS GOD’S GIFT OF LOVE, A WOMAN! Did I tell you about the picture? I was wondering if I was wrong to have pictures of beautiful women on the walls, or should I have pictures of the crucifixion or something like that, and it came to me as clear as anything that: